Lone Wolf Destroys Destroyers and Blueballs Blues

Location: DNR-7M
Time: 03:00
Date: March 7th

It was a quiet night in northern Providence. The Dital gate was clear, free from the SPECTRE gatecamps of past months. Mercenary Coalition was hunting down south, trying unsuccessfully to appear relevant after what can only be described as a totally failed contract. The only real threat was a gang of Brotherhood of Spacers destroyers roaming around, looking for someone to pick on.

Dom Aumer, longtime director of Lone Wolf Union, had just logged in. After putting on some India.Arie, he made himself busy by updating corp standings lists and chatting idly with the folks in alliance diplo. He noticed the reports of the Algos gang in North Provi, but heeded it little thought, as they were outside of Yulai space and Sev3rance had their nightly fleet up.

The minutes wore on and Dom’s music put him in a murder-zoning mood. He found himself distracted from the important work of settling disputes between ratters arguing about who shot the first Sansha ship, instead thinking of the Algos gang that seemed to be creeping nearer to Yulai’s borders. It had been a long day at work, and Dom decided to blow off some steam.

Undocking in a Viator, Dom warped to one of his many PvP ship caches and reshipped into a Rattlesnake. Trundling slowly from N-RMSH to DNR-7M, Dom finally set up on DNR’s K1Y-5H gate and started to align back towards the JEIV gate, prop mods and hardeners off, appearing to the untrained eye as merely another clueless Provident ratter, AFK on a gate and aligning forever.

The Algos gang, meanwhile, had been busy trying to keep away from Sev3rance. Ducking into the JEIV-E pocket to try and avoid their much larger fleet, the destroyers set about checking systems for ratters, miners, and transport ships, starting in JEIV-E and making the rounds through the back side of Yulai until arriving, finally, in DNR-7M.

Dom’s India.Arie playlist had long since whittled down to the last few tracks, but he remained patient with the Algos gang. Watching intel as they slowly worked their way through Yulai’s pocket, Dom told the ratters in diplo to go solve their own problems and he got himself ready to fight, popping drugs and overheating modules.

The Algos gang jumped into DNR from K1Y and saw the Rattlesnake a couple hundred kilometers off. As they started to burn towards him, Dom held his fire, still appearing AFK. Only after webbing and scramming him, and eating through half of his shields, did the Algos gang witness Dom roar to life in his bait-fit Rattlesnake.

Anyone who knows Dom knows that rapid light missiles are his favorite weapon system, calling them “the only platform Provi really needs”. Dom uses them every chance he gets, chanting “selectable damage types!” over and over. In this case, the missiles, along with a minor DPS assist from the Rattlesnake’s drones, dispatched the Algos gang methodically over the next seven minutes, without getting so much as a scratch on his Rattlesnake’s hull. By the time it was over, he’d single-handedly killed the entire gang and sent them on the pod express back home.

After surveying the field and shooting the wrecks (“looting is for poors” is in Dom’s bio), the Rattlesnake aligned and warped to the JEIV-E gate, planning to fly back to N-RMSH. After jumping into JEIV-E, Dom saw the Sev3rance fleet camped on the gate, waiting for the Algos gang that was never coming. Not wanting to be rude to his neighbors, Dom linked all 7 kill mails in local so they knew there was nobody coming out of the pocket.

Several Sev3rance pilots expressed dismay at this, and voiced their displeasure at Dom’s successful 7v1 in local. Tasting not only the thrill of victory, but also salty tears, Dom gave a salute, warped to N-RMSH, and went on with his night. He felt complete.

What will Dom kill next? Another roaming gang? Bleak Lands pirates bent on self-destruction? Or maybe the ratters who can’t seem to sort out their own problems. Find out next time… and remember, service guarantees citizenship!



Image by: BittyBam

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